Stories of Loss: Audrey Brianne
Welcome to the teachers unified podcast. I'm Sarah Lerner. This episode features Audrey Brienne, a stylist based in Los Angeles. She shares her experiences in being in close proximity to gun violence and the loss of a dear friend, how she sees gun violence in black and brown communities, and much more. So thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:We have a special guest today, Audrey Brienne, who is a wardrobe stylist out in Los Angeles. She has had some incredible clients, has worked with some outstanding shows and outlets and all kinds of great stuff. So thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 2:Of course. Thank you for having me. I'm I'm this is something this topic of gun control and everything is just very close to me. So I'm I'm really looking forward to having our chat today.
Speaker 1:Oh, good. I'm glad you were able to do this. So I would like to start by jumping right in. Mhmm. What is your connection to gun violence?
Speaker 2:I have two. I wish I didn't have that many because I would love to be able to say it was zero. There actually is a third, but I I can get to that. So my first connection to gun violence is that I am from Colorado, Littleton. And, when Columbine happened, I did not go to that high school, but I was within that division of schools, and nothing like that at the time had happened.
Speaker 2:You know, Columbine was what we thought this isolated situation. As you can see now, it's that is not the case. But at the time, it was really confusing. It was extremely scary. There was this thought of, like, okay.
Speaker 2:This is a one off of sorts. The second thing that connects me to gun violence is my my dear, dear friend and client, Christina Grimmy, who is a singer. She placed, I believe, third on The Voice. She was a contestant. She was in Florida performing.
Speaker 2:She had a meet and greet. And out of absolutely nowhere, we had no idea she had a stalker, but someone who had been, you know, tracing her steps opened fire, and she was caught in that and passed away due to her injuries. And then the third one is that, again, being from Colorado, my parents used to live in Aurora at one point, and there was the Aurora movie theater shooting. That's my local theater. I have a lot of memories there To see that at this time, I was living in Los Angeles, but to see that on the news was absolutely jarring.
Speaker 2:So those are, unfortunately, three of the ways that gun violence in this country has personally, you know, touched my life.
Speaker 1:How old were you when Columbine happened? I was 15. I was 19, and I was a freshman in college when it happened. And then, you know, you see it all on the news. And like you said, like, such an isolated incident.
Speaker 1:And how can something like this happen? You know, we all kind of continue on with our lives. And then when Sandy Hook happened, I was already teaching, and my son was in first grade. Like, those kids. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, you know, and I've shared this on the show before. My husband asked if I still felt safe teaching, and, you know, of course, I do. Nothing like that's gonna happen here. Yeah. Fast forward a few years, and I'm at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School when that shooting happens.
Speaker 1:I live three hours from Pulse in Orlando, and I remember bringing it back to Christina, who I'd love to talk about a little more. Of course. Yeah. I was at my daughter's dance recital, and the news came out that Christina Grimy had been killed. We had a moment of silence at the recital, and it was such a hard thing to hear because she was so young, and she had so much ahead of her.
Speaker 1:One of my students from Stoneman Douglas, his parents got really heavily involved in the Christina Grimmie Foundation and know her parents and, like, just really jumped in on that. So it's, I don't think funny is the right word, but it's, I guess, funny in a way how all of these things are connected. And Yeah. You know, I didn't know her personally, but you did. And my student and his parents didn't know her personally, but they've gotten, you know, over the last eight years, have been so heavily involved in her foundation.
Speaker 1:Only not even two years later, my student was directly impacted by gun violence because he was on campus when the shooting happened at my school. Talk to me about Christina because I feel like at some level, and it's horrible that I'm even saying this, but it feels like her shooting has been overshadowed by the Pulse shooting. Forty nine people died at Pulse, and I'm not trying to minimize that, but her shooting and her life deserve to be shared. So Yeah. You know, talk to me more about Christina.
Speaker 2:I am really touched that you even put a a dial on that of acknowledging how, because it was the day before, media wise, it did just sort of it slipped in the cracks, it felt like. That was really difficult dealing with at the time because not that it was by any means easy to see the coverage of what was happening, but to see the lack of it, there was a hurt there because I wanted people to know that, like, she mattered too. I think it again, it was just a whirlwind that weekend. It was a crazy weekend. But, yeah, the sheer volume of of life lost, like you said, it it doesn't make that any less impactful.
Speaker 2:But I I do agree with you that there was a bit of glossing over what happened with Christina. Knowing her was one of my life's greatest gifts. She made a room come alive. Her voice always, always gave me goosebumps. Whether she was just kind of, like, warming up or actually singing something for us or performing, that voice came from above and was just so crystal clear.
Speaker 2:And and you knew that, like, this is what she was brought here to do was to, like, use that voice and sing for the masses. I got to know her for about four and a half, five years, and her family's amazing. Her her dad, Bud, is wonderful. Her mother, who unfortunately passed from cancer, her brother Marcus. I mean, those became extended family to me.
Speaker 2:I know that this is just the audio, but I can show you. This tattoo I have right here, says all is vanity. All of us on Christina's team, her hair and makeup girl, her publicist, her brother Marcus, me, and a couple of others, We this was a tattoo that Christina had. Not in this position. Hers was on her forearm, so we kind of reversed it and did it on the back of our arm.
Speaker 2:We went to the same tattoo artist. We got the same font. I mean, I look at this tattoo and, like, it's a lovely reminder of her. I think of her every single day. And, yeah, it was just her life was cut so tragically short.
Speaker 2:It threw me for a loop because it did make me feel unsafe in the industry. I work with a lot of people who it it just put this big spotlight on the fact that, like, I am very, celeb adjacent. There is a glare on celebrities. They're so recognized. They're followed.
Speaker 2:I just had never put two and two together that my being adjacent to it could ever put me in danger. It was simply because she was on her way Christina was on her way back to LA. She was gonna be playing at the troubadour, which was a big deal for her. The only reason I was not at that signing and and show in Florida was because she had a show two days later in LA. But under normal circumstances, myself, her hair and makeup artist, Emily, we would have all been there, and that really tipped my world that that's how, like, close I was to it.
Speaker 2:Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about Christina because I don't often. It's a hard topic, but in getting to tell people about her right now, celebrating her, remembering her, this feels really good. And it's just it's nice to hear her name. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to to to, you know, hear her. I still can't really listen to her music, unfortunately.
Speaker 2:That's just it's I'm working on it, but I haven't been able to listen to her. But, yeah, I got really close to her. You you get close to people in this industry doing styling. It becomes we jokingly say it becomes therapy sessions at fittings. So you do.
Speaker 2:You kind of jump immediately into intimate waters with these strangers who then become you know, it's very easy for people to become not only friends, but extended family. That was like losing a little sister, for sure.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you talking about her and and opening up and sharing. I know I know how hard it is to talk about these things and talk about people you've lost. And I love that you have the tattoo on your arm and that you all do. I remember oh gosh. Like, within days of the shooting at my school, students, faculty had gone out and gotten tattoos to not commemorate what happened, but as a prideful thing.
Speaker 1:Like, we are bigger than this. We are stronger than this. Some students and faculty did it for specific people. Others did it for the community at large. But there were at least two, tattoo studios in the area, and they had these predesigned tattoos that you, you know, could choose from.
Speaker 1:I don't even know how many, like, ten, fourteen of them. And they would do those for free for the people Oh,
Speaker 2:that's good.
Speaker 1:Wanted them. I'm the yearbook adviser at our school, And so we did a whole spread on these kind of commemorative, which is such a terrible word, but commemorative tattoos. And it was just such a nice way, whether you're a tattoo person or not, it was such a nice way for them to be able to honor those we lost, kind of honor what they went through. And while it does serve as a constant reminder, like a constant reminder in both, I guess, a good way and a bad way because you've commemorated, in your case, someone you lost, but it also helps you to honor her and remember her in all the the good times you had. So it's not this constant, like, ugh, like, looking at my arm negative thing.
Speaker 1:You Yeah. Remember your friend, which I think is sweet.
Speaker 2:It's really nice that now I look at it as I'm filling in the hole that was left behind with her not being here. It used to feel that just water was getting dumped into this hole and just leaking out everywhere, and that it never was gonna feel better, that I'd never be able to think about her, talk about her, anything regarding her without feeling negative. And now I can definitely say that and I I do understand why you're saying commemorative because it is showing that there's resilience, that there's still love out there, that people are not going to let this gun violence epidemic that's happening. We're not gonna let this, you know, stop us from doing what's right, being good people, being kind to one another. It's a daily reminder, you know, if you're getting, like, stuff like tattoos and and memoriam for people.
Speaker 2:But I definitely feel that I am now filling up a cup versus it just being a gaping hole.
Speaker 1:I did not get a tattoo. I really I thought about it. I wanted to, but I'm Jewish, and we're religious, and Yeah. We're not supposed to get tattoos. So I got my nose pierced instead, which I don't know if you can
Speaker 2:I can see
Speaker 1:it? Yeah. Cute. Clearly not the same. No connection outwardly to the school, but it's it's my thing, and it's my reminder that I did it in lieu of a tattoo.
Speaker 2:Exactly. So it means just as much. As you're seeing a tattoo, there's so many, you know, creative ways that I've seen, you know, post gun violence of people choosing to remember the event itself, but most importantly, these these lives, these really beautiful lives that continue to be lost each time another instance of gun violence happens in school shootings.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I know you're in Los Angeles, and you are, as you said, celebrity adjacent, which I love that phrase. How prevalent is gun violence in LA? Like, where you are or Mhmm. Even within the celebrity community?
Speaker 1:Because as you said, you know, you don't realize how close you are to these things and how many of these celebrities have stalkers and people. And while this isn't you know, in your world, it's not a school shooting community gun violence issue, which we will get to, but you can still be impacted by gun violence. Yes. So how prevalent is it where you are?
Speaker 2:Prevalent enough that it's brushed across my path several times post Christina. I thought, you know, by the time I got to Christina's situation happening, I was like, okay. I am just getting a really bad deck of cards. Like, this has to be the last one, the last time that this comes into my life, this gun violence. I was living across the street like, just to show how prevalent it is, I was living across the street from Netflix's headquarters out here.
Speaker 2:They had a lockdown one day because there was an open shooter. They were able to capture, but, like, it happened right across the street from me. Out of nowhere, you just hear all the obviously, it's LA. There's sirens all the time, but just this massive amount of sirens, helicopters. My mom is telling me to turn on the news, and I'm literally looking at my townhome on the news because that's how close it was.
Speaker 2:As any frame that they got of Netflix building, they were getting my home in there. The other thing is working with musicians, A lot of times, I I go on tour with this band Kaleo that I work with, and I I hop in and out of tour spots with them. And gun violence, you know, when when things would happen in society, they would have to take new measurements with security every single time. There had to be there's always a security meeting no matter what, but there had to be new protocol of more intense searches. What is our exit plan?
Speaker 2:Who is allowed backstage, who isn't. A lot of times, they were closing off backstage areas because when the Vegas shooting happened, I happened to be on tour with this band. And it was a really eerie day because those people were there trying to enjoy music. I'm at a show, and it it just was the the topic did get brought up of, like, do we do the show? Are you guys gonna do this?
Speaker 2:You know, they they made sure the band members were all okay and felt safe enough to do their job. But that was a tricky day knowing that just one day before, again, innocent lives taken doing everyday kinda activities, something that they love that you would never think, you know, gun violence would touch. So I I guess to answer the question, it still brushes my way. It still comes across my path, not as close as, you know, what happened to Christina, but I still deal with things happening around me that have to do with guns. So, yeah, it it is prevalent out here in LA.
Speaker 2:It's a big city. We've got our crime issues, but I don't feel unsafe out here. It is something in the back of my mind. Anytime I go to a movie theater, anytime I'm backstage at a venue, if I'm at the other day, I was with my client, Chris Tucker, at a comedy show he did in Vegas. I am always looking to see where the exit is.
Speaker 2:The closest nearest exit, I don't feel comfortable until I know where that exit is and that I can, as clear of a path, get to it. And that was not something I used to do, and that is now just like clockwork for me anytime I am inside of a a closed establishment is how do I get out.
Speaker 1:A couple of things you said that I wanna, like, unpack here. We'll start with finding the closest exit and being, like, aware of your surroundings. I don't remember doing any of this before the shooting at my school, but like you said, it just becomes this second nature to point out just to yourself where the exits are. I am incredibly mindful of not only, like, where I'm sitting, but, like, how I'm positioned. And Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't want my back to the door. I was in Iowa for a journalism conference, restaurant, and it was a beautiful restaurant, like, really, like, hipster cool. But, like, two entire sides of the restaurant, the walls were it was just windows, and there was nowhere to sit at this round table that my back wasn't facing the window. I toughed it out and I I did it, but I felt very uncomfortable and very unsafe. And, you know, I I certainly wasn't at ease during that meal.
Speaker 1:You know, I can totally understand being mindful of where the exits are, how I can make a beeline for everything. I remember it was the evening of the shooting at my school. Like, around seven, seven thirty, I had made my way to Moe's. If you've never been in a Moe's, they have, like, the TVs up everywhere, and it's usually on, like, sports or something like that. Every single channel was on CNN, MSNBC, and I was not even a quarter mile from school.
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:Gosh.
Speaker 1:All of those shots on the networks were of my school. So the way that you could see your townhouse on the news for the Netflix incident, that's exactly what it was like. And it was so surreal because, like, I was literally just there. But I'm watching it like it was any other location anywhere else in the country. It was very strange.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like, I was almost, like, disconnected from it for a moment. Like, I didn't
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like, I know intellectually it's my school, but at the same time, it's anywhere else in the country. Yeah. So I totally get how weird that was, like, seeing your house on the news. That must have been so bizarre.
Speaker 2:Really bizarre. You disassociate a little bit when it's happening because it just you're so I felt out of body in a way that I was just like, this isn't computing the way that normal information usually hits me, that that is where I live. And it is on, like you said, CNN right now. And that instills another you know, activates more fear and, you know, fight or flight. There's a whole slew of things that comes with that of how these things are covered.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Looking at all of your experiences, and I'm Mhmm. Just genuinely so sorry that you've had so many touches with gun violence.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:How do you view or approach this topic of gun violence and gun reform in black and brown communities as a woman of color?
Speaker 2:It's a really great question. I would like to say that I played it more to, like, my like, the black community, but I it's such a issue and problem that I've never, like I've I haven't necessarily zeroed in on that aspect of it, of how it affects my community of African Americans, whether they be in LA or just the community as a whole in the nation. But it definitely it gives me pause to think there's a huge disparity of the likelihood of someone in a black community of having gun violence be a part of their life versus someone in a more affluent suburban kinda white picket fence sort of environment. I'm definitely aware of that. But, yeah, I've never really equated it down to my specific race other than the fact that I I'm just aware that it is definitely more prevalent.
Speaker 2:Here out in LA, we still have gangs that are active. It's not necessarily how it used to be, like, in the nineties and with the Bloods and the Crips and stuff like that, but there is still very much that culture in certain areas, the Compton area, not too far from Baldwin Hills area. So the thing is it's very easy for it to be muted in a way because it's grossly expected, and so it doesn't get the same kind of coverage as some of these other national stories do. When we're losing lives every day in the black community directly because of gun violence, I don't think it's reported on nearly as much.
Speaker 1:I would venture a guess also in LA and, you know, Southern California, there are gangs that aren't predominantly black or African American. I certainly don't wanna generalize or make assumptions, but I imagine it impacts, you know, the Mexican American and Latino community as well. And all of these communities of color are impacted. And while it may be isolated as community violence Mhmm. It does inevitably spill into schools and Yeah.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily the violence itself, but the baggage that comes along with that. All these kids going to school having had drive by shootings or other kinds of gun related violence in their homes or in their communities, they're bringing that with them to school. How do you, as an outsider, look at this public health crisis, not just in communities, but that connection between schools and communities, especially, you know, since you lived so close to Columbine when that happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah. We are starting to become desensitized. I'm noticing it. I'm not liking it because I try to be as vocal as I can be on social media about it, like places where there's any type of platform that I have, but I am really concerned. After Sandy Hook, I was certain that we'd never have another shooting in schools.
Speaker 2:I was like, these are babies. These are absolutely babies that had to deal with this. There was just something in me that was just like, there's no way. Like, this this really is gonna put, like, an end to things because we are now losing our kids at the age of, you know, six to gun violence. And when that didn't turn anything around, when there wasn't great reform and major changes I know that there have been things put in place.
Speaker 2:There's been some really good bills passed. But when there wasn't this immediate and really huge reaction to getting some things banned, to getting some laws out there, to getting control. I just felt really destitute because I was just like, this is now becoming a norm. You hear of a shooting, you know, like, back when you said you were 19 when Columbine happened. That took the world by storm because it was one of the first.
Speaker 2:Nowadays, it gets brushed aside in a way in in favor of whatever political fiasco is going on. It's so disheartening to see that a shooting at a school can happen and that there's a big majority of people that are just kinda, like, you know, kinda shrug at it. It's like, yeah. Another one. When did we become complacent about that?
Speaker 2:Like, when did we become okay as a society that this is just like, why is our attitude that this is just what it is and we'll have to deal with it? It's not something that can be eradicated.
Speaker 1:And I know in California, governor Newsom is Mhmm. So on board with gun reform and Yeah. Laws and bills that will actively keep everyone safe. On the flip side, I live in Florida still, and our governor, DeSantis, has gone above and beyond to cater to the gun lobby, so much so that we have permitless carry. Wow.
Speaker 1:We had the Pulse shooting in 2016. We had the shooting at my school in 2018. There was a shooting at a Dollar General in Jacksonville. There were all, you know, all of these shootings in our state. And instead of passing laws to keep people safe, he passed a law for permitless carry.
Speaker 1:I agree with you that what shouldn't become a political issue becomes a political issue where we should all be working to keep schools and communities safe. Adding more guns to the equation is not what's going to do that.
Speaker 2:The major talk of equipping our teachers in America with weapons themselves is astonishingly grotesque to me.
Speaker 1:Don't even get me started. It is the most absurd suggestion. I don't even know if it's the most absurd suggestion ever, but it's up there. I was on CNN about a week after the shooting, and I was on opposite the sheriff from Ohio. And I know I've talked about this on the show before.
Speaker 1:It was the day that president Trump had suggested arming teachers, and I did this. It was, like, three talking heads. It was the host, me, and the sheriff. I stared blankly into the camera because it was a live hit outside of my school.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I I said to the sheriff, like, I do not see how a handgun arming me as a teacher with a handgun would be any match for an AR 15, which is the weapon that was used at my school. There are so many unknowns. What if a student gets my gun? What if I am not able to access it and we're all killed anyway? What if Yeah.
Speaker 1:I have it and I shoot the wrong person? How does more guns on campus make those students of color feel safe in a school? You know? It's like all of these things. Ugh.
Speaker 1:God. I could do 3,000,000 episodes alone on why it's so stupid. But I'm glad that you as a noneducator feel that way because I know the vast majority of us in education feel that it is just absurd.
Speaker 2:It's counterproductive.
Speaker 1:I think that's the most polite way of putting it. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's true. To say the least.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Staying with educators. And, again, I know you weren't at Columbine, but you were very close to it and in high school yourself. Yeah. How can young people, students, educators, how do you think that we can all use our voices in response to school and community gun violence?
Speaker 2:I think that protests, peaceful protests, are so phenomenal. After Parkland, seeing what that particular group of individuals because it wasn't just the students. You know? Everyone got vocal. Seeing that sort of charge forward of never again, of we want change yesterday, sticking strong to to their values and their morals and knowing that, you know, their lives are worth more than the millions and billions that are caught up in in politics, I think that that's great.
Speaker 2:I will say something. I don't know if this is controversial to say, but I don't personally go to peaceful protest only because there's still hesitancy that I have that as a black woman, there is a red dot on my forehead in those sort of situations. I'd like to make peace with that at some point because I'm always always standing in their corner when people do marches, but that is something that I have found to be difficult to personally be a part of simply because I feel that there's a bit more of targeting of someone who looks like me versus, you know, your average protester. Protester. I love seeing walkouts.
Speaker 2:I I think that that's a really strong message. When I see literal, like, kids because, I mean, when they're they're 16, they're still kids. But when I see them going to the White House and meeting with our VP and meeting with our president and being out there on the floor, you know, talking about their experience of gun violence and how they're fed up with it, it's really powerful because that wasn't always the case that young people were taken serious. They now have infiltrated it enough that I feel that there is a very crystal clear voice for young people by young people in government.
Speaker 1:The kids from Parkland, the kids from my school, the way that you all on the outside saw them on TV and perceived them to be is exactly who they were and who they still are. The fact that they were able to start a movement was no surprise to any of us who had taught them at any point in high school. Yeah. And, you know, I am proudly one of the vocal teachers who has spoken out over all of these years, and it's an important voice that needs to be heard. I love that the kids did that and have continued to do that because they are going to become the next leaders.
Speaker 1:Like Yeah. Maxwell Frost, who is a representative in congress from Florida, from the Orlando area, he was on the National March for Our Lives board, and he's the youngest yeah. He's the youngest congressman. Congressman. He's Gen Z.
Speaker 1:Like, he's
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The whole thing. These are the people who are going to lead us and make change, and they're young, and they're fed up, and they experience these things in their day to day lives, which no one should. They also have outstanding educators who raise them up and teach them how to use that voice, which is Yeah. Important too.
Speaker 2:Love that with Parkland. Last thing with Parkland, is that they made that about what had happened without giving they did not allow that shooter to have a platform. I noticed that really, really early on that I was like, I absolutely adore how you kids and teachers in the community did not allow for I like, I couldn't tell you the shooter's name today if you asked me, and I love that I don't know it. I love that that did not get glorified and broadcasted out. They didn't give any credence to to that person.
Speaker 2:And I just thought that that was such a strong statement of we're not gonna make you any sort of martyr or famous for what you've done. We're not even gonna speak your name. That actually really impacted me that I that they chose to do it that way of we're taking this back. Even though, you know, his actions caused this, they took it back so quickly and loudly that it was really inspiring to see.
Speaker 1:It was, and it was outstanding to see, like, here at the ground level too. You know, I've said any number of times over all of these years, it shouldn't have happened at my school. Yeah. But it should have stopped at my school. %.
Speaker 1:And, unfortunately, it hasn't. And our organization, Teachers Unified to End Gun Violence, formed after the shooting at Oxford High School Oxford, Michigan. And then you had Uvalde and all of these other community and school shootings. It really is an enough is enough situation. And I love that we, you know, as educators, that we have allies outside of education who are actively working and standing with us.
Speaker 1:People like you who have connections to gun violence, not necessarily through education, but, you know, that we have allies who stand with us arm in arm in this fight to rid schools and communities of gun violence, and I I think that's outstanding. Thank you for listening. Don't forget to follow teachers unified to end gun violence on Instagram and threads at teachers unify, and follow the podcast on both platforms at teachersunifypc.